You don't have to tell your therapist everything

It’s an often-told joke amongst people in my life that I provide way too much context when I tell a story. To explain how I know someone to a mutual friend, for instance, I go all the way back to before we met and the circumstances which led us to one another. I’m apparently not capable of saying, “we used to work together” and leaving it at that. So I truly understand the desire that sometimes comes up in therapy to tell your therapist every single thing that has ever happened in your life. But I’m here to release you from that.

This is not to say you have to censor yourself; on the contrary, you can say anything in therapy. My argument is that you don’t have to. There are some things you can keep to yourself. Everything that has ever happened in your life or throughout the week in between sessions does not have to be hauled out and mined for content. If your therapist asks you about something that doesn’t feel relevant, you can say so. You decide what to talk about; you can also decide what to leave alone.

A lot of people who are new to therapy believe that they have to begin at the beginning and carefully examine everything in their lives. Sometimes that’s helpful. But just as often, it’s necessary to start at today and visit other details as you go along. In doing that, you may find that certain subjects don’t bear revisiting. Being in therapy doesn’t mean watching reruns of your life and trying to figure out what went wrong. Instead, you get to decide what’s important to you now, right this minute, and see where the conversation goes. You’re in charge. Which means, ultimately, that some stuff can stay out of the therapy space. Nothing is off limits but that doesn’t meant that everything is up for grabs.