When trauma shows up

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I am not a trauma therapist. My training is in grief; in life-limiting and chronic physical illness; in medical social work; in aging; but not in trauma. And yet, because many of my clients are new to therapy, I hear a lot of trauma confessions.

I don’t call them confessions because trauma is something to be ashamed of or hidden away. But it often is hidden from view. Often I’ve been the first or second person to hear about a traumatic event from decades prior. The next thought from my client, after they share this awful, horrible thing that happened to them that they’ve hidden away for all these years is: “why is it still bothering me now?”

I’m not a trauma therapist but I have an understanding about why we avoid dealing with traumatic events in their aftermath. The reasons are many: there’s a sense of shame, a fear that what happened was your fault; there are expectations of our family and friends, a fear that they won’t respond helpfully; there’s a self-protection our brains do, to minimize, to block out, to ignore what has happened in order to keep going, to survive. The list goes on; there are many, many reasons not to disclose a traumatic event.

Valid as those reasons may be, they will not make the trauma go away. 

Since I am not a trauma therapist, there will be a limit to what I can offer if I see someone with a trauma history. There may be a point where my client and I decide they’re ready to move on to someone who is trained to work with their particular trauma. Or we may decide to consult with an EMDR therapist (a magical therapy I know very little about; but luckily I have a wonderful network of colleagues who are both skilled and trained in it). 

All that comes later, though. What comes first is this: thank you for telling me. And: of course it’s still bothering you, that’s normal. It won’t bother you forever. Starting therapy is the first step to figuring out how to move forward. 

So if you’re ready to start and you’ve found someone you like, just start. If it turns out you can only go so far together, that’s ok. You’re only taking a first step.