The Fragility of Hope

Sometimes my clients tell me, explicitly or implicitly, that they don't believe they will ever feel better. They are almost entirely without hope. They cannot imagine that their current circumstances will ever change. As their therapist, I want to validate that feeling because it is a real fear. But I also want to help them envision a future without the pain they’re currently experiencing. This doesn’t mean meeting them with platitudes or promises; it means meeting them in their despair and offering them a little light. When they can’t see the possibility of something better, I tell them that I can. Sometimes, I hold the hope for them until they can hold it themselves.

One wonderful perk of seeing a therapist is that the relationship between you is part of the work. You may not believe in your ability to change, but your therapist does. The moment you show up to therapy, you have taken a step towards feeling better, even if better looks or feels really far away.

This is not to say getting there is an easy or pleasant process; it’s often really difficult. But that’s the other great news about therapy! You have to do the work, sure, but not alone: your therapist can help you share the burden. And if you feel stuck in your suffering, your therapist can hold the hope that things will change; that you can change.

If you are struggling or despairing or feeling lost, please know that you are truly not alone. Someone is out there, waiting to hold on to hope for you until it is in your reach again. Just step forward and ask.